" alfred is my roommate. we first met when i came back from working a night shift covered in dill and ketchup. i opened the shower curtain to hop in for a quick rinse and out of the curtain ran a hairy black spider, resembling a small tarantula with red lines on its back. i spent an hour looking for the fuzzy criminal in my apartment but he was nowhere to be found; i gave up looking for him because i wasn't sure if he was real or if i had imagined him so instead i named him Alfred. we agreed not to bother each other. my other roommate, karen, was never home because she had an internship on planet SIX2000 working for the Chief Adminstrator of the Bureau of Historical Accounts. karen managed the chief's files and brought him coffee until the sun went down and they would screw all night. i pretended not to notice because i enjoyed parading men through my apartment at will and using her dining room table for pouring cement and rolling joints.
i hated the couple that lived above me. i was learning how to play drums and i played the trumpet in my high school band. they hated me too, they would jump up and down on the floor and my ceiling would shake and the lights would flicker. my father phoned from the bo-OH-te3z0 galaxy where he was sailing the orbit of the Lockey comet. he was constantly afraid of danger. he wanted to know if i had become a rock star yet. i explained to him that i lived below two angry elephants and i could only practice my instruments when they were fucking and they couldn't hear above the headboard banging against the dry wall. he was outraged and suggested poison gas."
No comments:
Post a Comment